Being an ENTJ and Type One

Being an ENTJ and a Type One.jpg

My Personality Types and How They Affect my Life 

I have a very distinct personality, to say the least. I’m confident, organized, ambitious, knowledgeable, creative, arrogant, and a leader. I feel comfortable speaking my mind, no matter the situation. I don’t believe in holding comments inside; life’s too short to leave things unsaid, so I’m usually the one who says what everyone else is thinking.

I’m also very tidy and strict when it comes to being productive. I’m that person with five different to-do lists and doesn’t have a thing out of place. I’m also a natural leader and can command a room if need be. I have a very outspoken and rigid personality, but let’s get more specific regarding my Myers-Briggs and Enneagram personalities because that is what truly defines who I am and why I act the way I do. While some may not believe in personality tests, I think they help people delve deeper into why they act the way they do, and it also helps them realize what drives them forward in life. 

ENTJ – “The Commander” 

ENTJs are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. But unlike their Feeling (F) counterpart, ENTJs are characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Perhaps it is best that they make up only three percent of the population, lest they overwhelm the more timid and sensitive personality types that make up much of the rest of the world – but we have ENTJs to thank for many of the businesses and institutions we take for granted every day.

– 16 Personalities 

ENTJ’s are natural born leaders. We are the people who aren’t afraid to speak to strangers and are able to command a room by walking into it. Personally, as an ENTJ, I’m that person who remains objective when someone is speaking to me about a problem. I see both sides of a situation and have a rigid sense of right and wrong. I’m also always reaching towards a new goal, a.k.a. I’m never satisfied with staying in one place. I’m constantly looking to push myself forward because trying to improve myself, gain more knowledge, strengthen skills, and achieve new things is what brings me the most amount of joy. 

Because I’m an ENTJ, people may call me a perfectionist. I feel the need to be the leader, in any situation, because I feel most comfortable when in being in control. I have this strict mindset that if one wants to get things done, they have to do it themselves. I tend to rely on myself and never ask for assistance because I know my strengths and skills, so I know how to navigate circumstances without reaching out for help.

To summarize being an ENTJ, I’ll use a quote that I adore, “I’m not bossy. I’m the boss.” 

Type One – The Reformer 

Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.

– The Enneagram Institute 

In my opinion, Enneagrams dive deeper into people’s personalities by highlighting their desires and faults while the Myers-Briggs personalities showcase how you function in society. Once you find out your Enneagram Type, you should definitely listen to Sleeping at Last’s Atlas: Year Two’s EP because they wrote songs for each Enneagram type which connects deeply with your individual personality. Ever since I heard Sleeping at Last’s ‘One’ I finally felt seen because their lyrics highlighted both my strengths and my faults all at the same time.

but the list goes on forever,

of all the ways i could be better, in my mind.

as if i could earn God’s favor given time,

or at least “congratulations”…

– Sleeping at Last, ‘One’

Because I’m an ENTJ and a Type One, I have this insatiable need to fix everything. I feel the need to improve myself, others, and the world beyond my capabilities. I am always working and pushing myself further to be the best version of myself as if I’m running a race against time.

the price of this so-called perfection is everything

– Sleeping at Last, ‘One’

This is it. This is the lyric that resonates with my soul. I’ve tried so hard to be good enough, to be better than others, to improve myself, to impress others. I’ve torn myself apart trying to appear perfect because I’m so deathly afraid to break this poised, put-together image that people have placed over me for my entire life.

Because I’m able to command a room, organize my life together into daily, weekly, monthly to-do lists, see all sides of a situation, and lead others towards a common goal, I’ve been seen as “perfect”. I’m this put-together girl who always has her makeup done, dresses up anytime I leave my house, has assignments completed weeks ahead of time and is able to speak my mind in front of crowded classrooms.

The world and people’s expectations placed on me has forced me to become this flawless, unruffled version of myself to please others’ ideals, but I don’t think people realize how exhausting it is to always smile, push myself further than others, and appear poised at all times. No one looks farther into this facade placed around me to realize that I’m holding up an impossible image of myself that weighs down onto my shoulders like I’m Atlas carrying the weight of the sky on his back.

I have let this need to please rule my life. I don’t take breaks or let myself rest because these expectations placed on me define who I am. Getting an A in a class is quite literally more important than my mental health, and I realize that this is an incredibly unhealthy way to live. The Enneagram Institute has helped me realize, that as a Type One, my basic fear is being defective, making mistakes, and being anything less than flawless. I want to be praised and held to a higher standard because that’s what keeps me running in life: approval.

I’ve become so obsessed with being perfect that I forgot how to reach out to others for help. I forgot what it’s like to let my guard down and have someone see my faults. I’ve craved approval so much that I forgot that I could give it to myself. I think the root of my faults, as an ENTJ and Type One, is the fact that I don’t see myself as good enough. I’m never satisfied with the world and myself. I never think, “This is enough. You are good enough. You can rest now.”

And I believe this is why that I have such a small group of friends, in life. There are a handful of people who have seen the real me. The messy girl who cries too much, panics over the smallest things, who is drowning in an ocean of worry, the one who has a temper and sometimes lets her blunt comments strike people’s hearts. I have only allowed a select few to see past these walls around my heart and see the real me.

Being an ENTJ and Type One is a tiring thing that tears me down and builds me up at the same time. While I may be organized, creative, hungry for knowledge, confident, intuitive, and fair, I’m also a perfectionist, blunt, anxious, and too hard on myself. It’s a scale between good and bad. What I’ve learned, since taking these two personality tests, is that I have a hand in choosing what personality traits control me. I can choose to be confident over arrogant. I can choose to be organized rather than frantic. I can aim to be good rather than perfect, and I’m still trying to remember that. 

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